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How to Predict a Cheating Spouse

by Sharon M. Rivkin on Thursday, May 15, 2014 8:22 PM

I've devised an Affair Danger Levels concept to help you predict if your current relationship could suffer from an affair.

Level 1: Low. NO relationship is immune from an affair. We are all human and sometimes one slip-up could happen. However, there is a very low likelihood that an affair would ever happen if the relationship is strong, the couple has good self-esteem and is mature, communication is open, there is respect, good impulse control, and high morals are present.

Level 2: Moderate: If an unaddressed lack starts to manifest in the relationship, the potential betrayer could be starting to seek some outside comfort and make emotional connections with others, possibly in the form of emails, texting, phone calls, etc., and may not even be conscious that this behavior could lead to a physical affair.

Level 3: High: There is a high probability that an affair is happening if the betrayer is getting regular outside comfort from another person. The betrayer is justifying his/her actions to himself/herself and forgetting about the potential consequences of such behavior or the impact on his/her partner and their relationship. To the watchful eye of an attentive spouse, clues should be apparent. If your instincts tell you something isn’t right, trust your feelings and investigate!

Level 4: Very High: An affair is probable at this point if the betrayer, in addition to all the above signs, has a pattern of past betrayals, is not a good communicator, has low impulse control, and compartmentalizes his/her emotions.

Level 5: Extreme: Affairs will not only happen, but be to the extreme if there is not only a lack in the current relationship and a pattern of past betrayals, but the betrayer feels a huge sense of entitlement, is a narcissist, lacks any sense of remorse, and has virtually no impulse control. The betrayer may be classified as a sex addict.

It's extremely important to be aware of signs of trouble before a full-blown affair occurs. It is important never to take your relationship/partner for granted, become complacent, or let the communication close down. When a couple knows that relationships take work and nurturing on a daily basis, infidelity can be avoided.

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Sharon M. Rivkin

Sharon Rivkin, Therapist, Conflict Resolution and Affairs Expert